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Run thru Bipolar

Overcoming Bipolar disorder thru running and cycling

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Bipolar

Do you ever just hate everything

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I’m having one of those days, well maybe one of those weeks. Where everything just pisses me off. I’m mainly talking about work,  sitting in my cool office, at my stand up desk, with an awesome view,  and I hate everything. No clue why, just don’t want to deal with anyone or anything.

Have you ever felt that way? Looking for answers,  looking for a fix. Currently got some food, found a quiet spot, where I won’t be bothered.

Had to vent, looking for help.

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Didn’t run, started meditation

So having a so-so kind of month. Ups and downs, not super smooth,  but no major depressions. I got an email from a blogger I follow, and it was how to meditate,  tips on mediation.

Figured what the hell. So after watching his YouTube video, I downloaded an app. Well that was yesterday midday. Another shitty day today,  I said what the hell. It starts off with a free 10 times,  10 minutes each. I listened to the first session,  I felt much better. So now to keep it up, and maybe 10 days from now,  I’ll be a mediating fool.  (I mean that in all the best ways. )

So stay tuned, never know what I’ll blog about next.

8 years

So today I was at my psychiatrist and we was recounting what we’ve discussed over the years,  when I was diagnosed and what has happened in those years. He also mentioned he wanted to talk with my psychologist. His point to wanting that is to see if I don’t need to be on my meds for the rest of my life.

Needless to say, I’m pretty excited, but nervous about the possibility. Excited to not have to take something everyday. But not worried about taking it, because it never had any side effects. Nervous because I will have to mentally be strong all the time, the thought process now is the meds will solve all my problems.

So it could be an interesting time ahead while I/we figure this out. I’ll keep everyone up to date.

I really need to stay focused on my blog, I will try to do better.

Bipolar problems do you cry?

So it’s been over a month since I posted anything. Been strange, not too down, not too up,  but not right. So today big announcement big project at work,  not excited,  just lost.  I get to my car after work,  start it and start crying.  WTF I’m a grown man and just start tearing up for no reason. I hate this disorder.

Have you every cried for no reason?

The Song about my Bipolar battle

 

This Song is the perfect song for me when I’m down. My Wife saved me and without her I would not be here today.

Juneathon Day 7

WOW, what a beautiful morning, up and at it early, 10k Trail run started at 8am. I did some thinking while running so I could have multiple short blogs, but I’ll just try to make short paragraphs.

Thank god for Slow people on single tracks. – Great excuse. But WAIT…. There are no excuses in running… ON YOUR LEFT. (that’s the polite way to say, you are going slow and I want to pass you, so move over.) Luckily I didn’t have to say that often, I started with the faster group this time. I did have to stop and retie my shoe… ugh, how annoying, but i quickly ran back up to who I was behind and quickly passed her and a few others. It’s actually amazing, how fast you feel when you restart in the middle like that.

Mile #5 where are you? – It was a trail run, so GPS watches don’t always work great. (my 6.2 race, was 6.5 on my watch) very goofy, most of the time they are less, they miss the zig zags and cut backs. So my Nike+ watch has manual laps, You just have to it the watch when you want to mark a lap. I use this on my trail races, because they typically have the mile markers out there. So my Laps/mile splits are as follows:

LAPS DISTANCE DURATION AVG PACE
1 0.99MI 8:10 8’12″/MI
2 1.05MI 9:15 8’47″/MI
3 1.07MI 9:49 9’10″/MI
4 0.91MI 8:04 8’46″/MI
5 1.23MI 11:13 9’06″/MI
6 0.96MI 8:50 9’09″/MI
7 0.22MI 2:13 9’44″/MI

As you an see, I had a great first mile, second mile I ran into some traffic on the single track. Third mile I had to tie my shoe. 4th mile, DAMN, but GPS also said it was shorter. Mile 5, no traffic on the trails, only 1 or 2 guys around me. But why in the hell did it take me 11+ minutes. (oh the GPS says 1.25 miles) Overall time was a 57:27, (goal time was 57:30,when I made my goals earlier this year, I put down 55 on my last blog, because I was feeling really strong after my 23:10 5k 2 weeks ago. (but trails are different than flat pavement.)

After all that, I got to come home and do yard work, Clean sidewalks, pull weeds, clean gutters, plant a few new veggies. Exhausted, but a grad party to attend, (bring on the food) then 2 softball games against the first place team (we are in third) So should have some great games, we’ve won 10 straight games, since starting 0-2 (loses to the other first place team)

And for the Bipolar downward mood, it’s gone, had to stay active, talk with wife, talk with therapist, and remember to enjoy life. Get the right amount of sleep, eat proper food, and take time to think about positive things in my life.

June totals:
25 miles running
2 softball games + 2 more tonight
2.5 miles walking

1 Graduation Party (only 8 more to go)

Juneathon day 5

Well it started as another rough day. But I made it and feeling much better.  Got an office massage then sat outside in the park for a half hour.  Great lunch hour.  Then made some great progress on my testing at work.  Co-worker asked to play some ping pong.  Yes I know it sounds like a rough job. 

Had my therapist appointment tonight it’s about a 1.25 miles from the house.  Since I have my 10k trail run Saturday it’s supposed to be a rest day.  I started walking to the doctor.  About a half mile I figured out I was going to be late.  So off I ran for a half mile.  Made it only 5 minutes late.  Explained the last few days to her.  Did I handled it well and we looked into some triggers. Walked the 1.25 miles home stopped at grocery store picked up some corn and hot dogs.  Bbq them when I got home.  Feeling much better.

June totals:
18.5 miles running
2 softball games
2.5 miles walking

Bad day and no Juneathon

Well the downward mood has kicked my butt.  Only worked half day,  spent rest of time in bed. When I hit my depressed mood sometimes sleep is all I can do. 

Going to take all I can muster to attend my daughter’s award ceremony at school tonight.  Might see about a run after that,  but not thinking it’s going to happen.

Lack of motivation is a side effect of my depression. And I hate the word depression but that’s what it is.  I’ve been calling it my downward or downer mood.  But let’s face it,  I’m in a depression phase right now.  I hate this phase,  however knowing that I’m bipolar I know it will pass,  just when is the question. Knowing this and telling my friends and family about my depression helps make sure I don’t do anything to injury myself.

Rough morning

Started last night,  after running 4 miles and getting home,  felt no motivation,  felt bored and lost, so I plopped myself in front of TV. Sat there for almost 5 hours.  At midnight, I turned off TV and sat in the dark for a while.

Woke up this morning still unmotivated and not feeling well.  Seems like the start of a downward mood.  Even with
running after work and 2 softball games on the schedule for today,  still feels like a crappy day.

Hopefully I bounce out of it. Not something I want to go thru right now. Well out of the car and walking to office,  hope it turns around quick.

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